Only Mars Will Do

[bohemianspirit]

Title: Only Mars Will Do
Author: bohemianspirit
Genre: Het, Humor
Characters: Severus/Charity
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 100 x 5
Challenge: snape100 Challenge #287: The Solar System: Mars
Notes: Sequel to Preoccupations. Continuing the summer holiday begun in "High Flying Lover."

"I want a Mars bar."

Charity glanced sidelong. "It's ten o'clock in the morning, Severus."

"I know." He stopped walking and pushed through the door of a shop, and Charity, shrugging, followed.

Severus stood in front of a large array of sweets, scowling.

"There don't appear to be any Mars bars," said Charity.

"Yes. I see that."

Charity waited while Severus continued to stare at the chocolate bars.

"If I recall correctly from my research," she finally spoke up, "I believe the Milky Way is the American version of a Mars bar."

His face twitched. "I don't like Milky Ways."


* * *


"You don't like British Milky Ways," Charity corrected him. "American Milky Ways are like our Mars bars."

"Then why don't they call them Mars bars?" Severus retorted with a sneer.

"Oh, for God's sake, Severus, it's sodding chocolate. Just get on with it."

His face was going to freeze like that, thought Charity.

"Fine." His hand darted out and snatched an American Milky Way bar. He brought it to the counter and snapped at the clerk, "You ought to tell the manufacturer of these things to call a Mars bar a Mars bar."

Behind Severus' back, Charity rolled her eyes.


* * *


They stepped back into the sunlit morning.

Charity walked alongside Severus in silence while Severus opened the wrapper, peeled back the wrapper, and bit into the chocolate bar. He frowned, chewing every bite with the slow, intense concentration of a connoisseur at a wine and cheese tasting.

"Well?"

Severus shrugged. "It's not the same."

"Close enough."

"It tastes American."

Charity grabbed the wrapper out of Severus' hand. "It says it was made in Canada."

"It's still not a Mars bar." Severus grabbed the wrapper out of Charity's hand and dropped it in a nearby bin. "I want a Mars bar."


* * *


"Oh, honestly." Charity snapped around and stalked back into the shop. She grabbed the first chocolate bar she saw, paid for it, and clipped back to where Severus stood gawking after her. Before he could say a word she pulled him between two buildings, pulled out her wand, and Transfigured the random chocolate bar into a bona fide British Mars bar.

"Here," she muttered, thrusting it at him. "Now kindly shut the fuck up about your fucking authentic Mars bar."

Severus stared back into her eyes.

"Take it."

With a clipped nod, he closed his hand around the candy bar.


* * *


"Well?" asked Charity. "Did this one taste like a real, un-American Mars bar?"

"Mm. Yes," answered Severus, squinting in the sunlight.

"Good."

Severus shrugged. "It wasn't as good as I thought it would be."

Charity sighed. "I know the feeling."

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

"What do you think it means?" Charity snapped. "We're on holiday, and all you've done is piss and moan and sing Elton John songs everywhere we've gone! Incessantly. Honestly, Severus, the only thing I've enjoyed so far has been the Sex on the Beach."

Severus started to smirk.

"The drink."

The smirk disappeared.